Effective Men’s Ministry
The
Indispensable Tool for Your Church
Zondervan
A book study, summer 2003 – notes from Stuart Brogden
Chapter 1 – Modern Man in Contemporary Culture
Messed up men is the number one reason for the breakdown of the family. We must aim at developing godly men, equipping them to be godly husbands & fathers. Training leaders is the first step at reaching the men of HNW, as this small group cannot do the job. A key facet of building leaders and disciples is to first build friendships. Many men do not have close friends and that should not be the case for brothers in Christ.
Most men who do not attend church believe it does not offer any lasting value to their lives. Check out the 7 statements about men on page 17.
We must be focused on making friends, but first, we must be focused on insuring each man we reach knows Jesus and comprehends his identify in Christ. Many men say that God and family are their top priorities, but work and hobbies or vices tend to take up more time and money. A disciple must be learning how to live as Christ desires. Check out A.W. Tozer’s list of 7 indicators on page 19.
Men connect with one another at big stadium events, whether they be PK or football. Why not at church?
Don’t forget the pastor – he is a man and has the same needs, distractions, and temptations as we do.
Chapter
2 – What is Men’s Ministry?
A ministry that is not based on building genuine friendships and relationships between men will not prosper or persevere. If these friendships are not focused on making disciples, the ministry has already failed.
We train men to reach other men, we don’t put an additional burden on the clergy.
All planning and all activities must begin with prayer, be Christ focused, and not concerned with the outcome. God is in charge of the outcome – we must be faithful with the calling of teaching men how to walk as a disciple of Christ Jesus. We must exhibit a hunger for God’s Word. If it isn’t important to us, how will be important to the men we are trying to reach? Ask God to give you a hunger for His Word.
Because men will be attracted by various aspects of our men’s ministry, we must create a variety of entry points by which men can enter into the fellowship and become involved in vital relationships with other disciples of Jesus. See funnel diagram on page 30.
Must have men’s small groups (NOT small men’s groups!). Must have a core group of men committed to pray for the men and for the clergy dudes. The core group (Men of Honor leadership team) must first be committed to Christ, then to one another - building each other up before they can be effective building up other men.
Heed the warnings on page 35.
Chapter
3 – Vision That Drives Ministry
A brain without a vision is the same danger as “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” We must engage our minds and the minds of our men with a vision that draws us to God. As the Chrysler example points out, it’s easy to get distracted by “things” (events, programs) and miss the mission! The product of our ministry is to be disciples. God produces them, we tend His produce.
Page 40: a ministry made up of only events is not a ministry to men – it’s a men’s ministry! Just as we discussed several months back, we recognized the need to be a ministry TO men. When I was in the Army’s Corps of Engineers, we declared that we were not the Army’s “engineer corps”, but the “Corps of Engineers!” The difference being likened to that between a beer bottle and a bottle of beer. We don’t want lost men (empty containers) with the label of God’s image. We want saints filled with and fulfilling God’s teaching!
Read through the four stages and come away with the understanding that ministry to men is a long term, low-pressure process. Men will come and go, some men will “get it” quickly while others will take a long time. Focus on the process of making disciples and don’t’ get distracted by the number or perceived effectiveness of those men. Pray for them and trust God to lead them, to carve away all the junk and debris of earth that hides the godly man.
Chapter
4 – Getting Things Right – the First Time
2 Corinthians 13:5 admonishes us to “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves.” Without self-examination, a man cannot know where he is, spiritually, nor where he should go.
So it is with men’s ministry. As we seek to understand the men at HNW, let us follow Nehemiah’s lead and seek FIRST the face and will of God. Far too easy for men to plow on without asking directions. Whether it’s geographical or spiritual, men would be in better circumstances if we more readily sought proper direction.
Page 48 lists 5 attributes of a competent assessment:
· Who and what is our ministry?
· What is currently being done in this area?
· Where are we starting from?
· Where should we go?
· How should we get there?
I relate to the author’s traffic example. Decisions about what we do must be prayed through and align with our mission statement. Let us not rush off to do every good thing without regard as to how or if we should, for in so doing we shall be as cool water poured out on a tabletop – shallow, directionless, useless.
Understand the differences between global, local, and individual information. We got great feedback from a few guys after our march Men’s Night Out. How might we gather local information? Study the charts on pgs 54 & 55. Note the emphasis on prayer.
Chapter
5 – The Pastor’s Role
At a PK leadership seminar in 1996, I was told, “Everything in your men’s ministry must be pastor supported and pastor supportive.” That solidified much of what I had learned and this chapter expounds on the importance of this issue.
The Bible, our Guidebook, establishes roles in the church and family: men are called to fill leadership positions in both institutions. God also calls us men to be humble servants, not thinking highly of one’s self. As you contemplate the words to pastors written by Pastor Hayford, let your heart and mind be drawn to passionately seek God’s favor for our pastor; that he would hunger for God’s Truth, be bold in his preaching, have confidence in his fellow clergy, and take time to be with his family and alone with God.
But make no mistake: as pastors are called by God to lead the church, men are created and called as servant leaders in every aspect of life. We should not apologize for this, as it not our boast of our plans, but our boast of God’s plan. Spiritual passivity is our inheritance from Adam – he was the first man to fail to lead his family and the rest is history. Our pastors are susceptible to failure in this area as are all men. Let us not grow angry or disappointed if our pastor doesn’t support our men’s ministry as we’d like him to. Our pastor serves the audience of One, not the demands of the many. We can garner support from our pastor by being true to our mission – to reach men for Christ and make disciples – and by giving support to our pastor. As we are starting to see at HNW, the pastor will get more interested as he sees the lives of men changed by the Holy Spirit through our ministry to them. In so doing, we support him as pastor, because disciples are what the pastor – and the church – needs.
Chapter
6 – Building a Leadership Team
The leadership team is the basic (temporal) building block for any ministry. The men on the leadership team of a ministry to men must be disciples of Christ – the building block of anything lasting. One man cannot be the leadership team – my legacy at FBC Corinth. But one man must be the leader of the leadership team. This man must have vision, passion, boldness, and focus. He must be a servant to the least in the church.
Check out the 5 rules for choosing leaders on page 71, taken from 1 Timothy 4:12.
Note that this author states “The greatest gift your leadership team can give the men of your church is personal holiness.” Is your first purpose in life to be holy? Is mine? The men on the leadership team must, above all else, love the Lord Jesus.
Don’t overlook the gifts and servant desires of other men simply because they differ from your own. Recall the image Paul gives us and the instruction on the different gifts within the body. Note the four gifts needed in this team: leadership, administration, service, mercy and the need for every man on the team to be a team player. No Lone Ranger Christians.
Train those who serve and give away all ministry except that one thing which defines joy in your walk with Christ. Be humbly aware of your own need to be trained in an area that is not your strong suit. If you, like me, are a perfectionist, working with others is ministry to you – as nobody will do the thing as well you imagine you could. We are called to build up servant leader disciples of Christ, not perfectionists.
Chapter
7 – Organizing Your Men’s Ministry
News flash! God is the boss of everything. In all things, pray. How can leaders know the will of God without spending time humbly confessing and listening to Him? Let us not get so busy doing the ministry that we ignore the power source of the work!
Since most men don’t spend significant amounts of time in prayer, build a prayer team. Seek God’s leading as you consider who you ought to ask. But ask men to pray with you and for you, tell them what your needs are. Note the points on pgs 79 & 80 about your pastor and don’t forget to pray for him as well. I pray for my pastor to have a thirst for the Word of God.
Men’s ministry needs a Game Plan, a Mission Statement, and Structure. Without these, frustration and failure will set in. Review pgs 82, 84, & 86. How are we doing? Establish a time line to keep expectations in line and to build excitement of what’s to come. “It’s better to do a few things right than a lot of things poorly.” Page 85 lists several ways we can advertise – some of which we are currently doing. Let us not neglect talking with the wives of the men at our church – many of them want their husbands to be more like Christ.
The leadership team must pause to evaluate the ministry, just as each believer must examine his own life. Are we on the right path? Does our Mission Statement still hold? Are we still praying? Are we training the next leaders?Are we intentional about getting men into small groups?
When planning events, each event should be able to cover its own expenses. Just like our March 15th Men’s Nite Out.
Chapter
8 – Purposeful Planning, Effective Implementation
Routine events like a monthly breakfast provide an easy entry point for men who are checking out the church or the men’s ministry. There are 9 good points to help plan, execute, and evaluate events on pages 92 & 93. Point 9 provides great questions to ask guys as part of the evaluation.
The major message of this chapter is found in the 6 principles of men’s ministry, starting on page 94. Preface these principles with the observation that “Men’s ministry is a process, based on biblical principles, to accomplish a purpose.” The purpose of each believer is to make disciples.
Programs must build relationships. Without relationships, discipleship cannot take place. This is one reason Christ came to Earth as a man, to build relationships with His chosen people. Men are starved for love and encouragement – we can build relationships which lead to discipleship by loving and encouraging men as they seek meaning in their lives.
Men’s ministry is done by men, for men, to men. We seek to minister to all but our focus as a ministry is to the ones God has called to be leaders. And as you need balance in your life, so our ministry needs balance. The author notes 4 biblical mandates we should work into our plans: Evangelism, Discipleship (Establishment), Equipping (developing servants), and Extension (Reaching the world for Christ).
As a man progresses in his spiritual maturity, so a ministry must mature. A growing, mature ministry has multiple points of access for men, various activities and opportunities for service. We are advised to plan prayerfully for this growth, as reaching too far too fast will led to discouragement and frustration. Start small, go slowly, work for the long term.
Lastly, we are pointed to the three phased circle Patrick Morley uses: Create Momentum, Capture Momentum, Sustain Momentum – how to do each and why each is vital.
Chapter
9 – Upside-Down Leadership
Just as Jesus told His disciples that “he who seeks to be first must be last”, so we ought to live and work in ministry. To lead men, we must serve them. Read slowly the contrasts on pages 102 between worldly “power” and the POWER promised by Christ. Being the servant to people who are lower in the world’s system is not beneath the disciple, it is the love of Christ being lived out. Christ was the Creator of all things before He was a human being.
As we seek to lead, we must ask ourselves – and one another – who are we serving? Daily we will be tempted to seek the approval of the men we serve. We must be reminded to seek the approval of Christ, with a humble heart, rather than the self-serving heart of flesh that longs to be lifted up.
It is time for men who claim Christ to step up and fulfill the role He modeled for us. Let us lead by searching out the down-trodden, cast out, unlovely men who fill our streets, work places, and churches; let us be known as men who love the least of these and bring them the good news of life eternal with Christ. There is always room for more leaders at the cross of Christ.
Chapter
10 – Foundations of Christian Leadership
“The greatest need in the church today is for men to become the leaders that God has called them to be.” This truth is known to women who love the Lord, check out the anecdote on page 107!
This chapter’s author lists four attacks the enemy makes on men, then gives the elements of God’s plan. The enemy sows:
Mystery – How can a man know God’s will for his life? Clearly, the Bible teaches us to grow in our knowledge of Christ and the whole Bible was written so we might do just that. By seeking to know Him, by studying His Word, the mystery clears like the morning fog and we can look back and see God’s hand on our lives.
Confusion – If we aren’t mystified about God, perhaps we’ll be misdirected or distracted. The preacher who stutters, page 110, is a man who would have every human excuse to not pursue God’s will to be a preacher. Neil Jeffery is this man, being used powerfully to build the kingdom.
Diversion – This is when a man gets sidetracked by what he thinks (or more likely, feels) is the right thing to do. This normally happens when a man has forgotten to spend time in the Word and has neglected his time with the Lord. The best for a man is always what God has planned. What a man plans may seem good, but it will always be less than the best intended by God.
Condemnation – So you haven’t been derailed – this time – by the first three tools of Satan, don’t get comfy. Ever felt like some sin you recently recalled – or re-committed – is too big for God to let slide? I have known a couple of men who thought their actions in Vietnam were too big for God to forgive. Again, it’s knowledge of Him, through His Word, that tells us that Christ nailed all the sins of the world on His cross and whosever is in Christ is righteous before God the Father! Sin is not to be laughed off or managed, but repented of, humbly before God. This is leadership in the truest sense – humility before God and the knowledge that you are forgiven.
Long notes for this chapter. God’s plan, as this author explains it, also has four steps:
#1 – Commitment. I prefer the word, abandonment. Forsaking what is left behind, striving forward toward the prize that lies ahead! The leader who focuses on outcomes, consequences, is a coward and not a godly leader.
#2 – Submission. No man can lead in God’s kingdom unless he knows deep in his heart and mind that he has been bought and no longer belongs to himself. God calls us to submit to the civil authorities as a model for how men are supposed to submit to Him. How are your traffic manners?
#3 – Accountability – Another facet of being submissive. Sheep all tend to stray. We must have brothers in Christ who have the right to look into the 5 “Cs” that define character: Your Checkbook, Calendar, Career, Children’s lives, and the Countenance of your wife. Your true character, like that of a diamond, is revealed under close examination.
#4 – Reproduction – The author uses the word “intentional”. I think of Christ in John 4 when He “must need” to go through Samaria. Out of His human comfort zone, to draw a sinful woman into relationship with Him. A godly man plans and acts to seek out other men and make disciples, mentor, encourage, and exhort. A godly man doesn’t “wait for the right moment” - he acts.
Each of us must decide to be a man under authority of God, not simply committed to a cause. Abandoned to God. No turning back!
Chapter
11 – The Mark of Leadership
Paul tells us to “work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to do His good pleasure.” (Phil 2: 12-13) This means we are confirmed to Christ by how we choose to live. Again, the focus is on being (as you live your life) not doing (where do I want to end up?). So the goal of this ministry is the pursuit and knowledge of Christ, not the myriad programs and events that are tools in that pursuit.
We cannot obligate God to do anything for us - He is sovereign! Schaffer relates that at one point he felt like quitting but didn’t because of what he had been telling other men. He was at the point of trusting the truth he had been teaching. And learning all the more to trust God and not assume he knew God’s mind on the matters at hand. Nowhere in scripture do we see God being concerned about our health or wealth in the way we are. Nowhere in scripture do we see God needing relationship with man. As we lead men, Schaffer lists 5 godly disciplines:
#1 Commitment – There’s that word again! Men must see that we are sold out to Jesus and learn from us what that means. That’s the first, last, and only priority for Men of Honor.
#2 Communication – Ever since Adam, men have tended to be silent on spiritual issues. We’ll talk to anyone about our favorite sport, but accept the lie that spiritual matters are private. Let us know what and why we believe and teach it to men who will then teach others.
#3 Conflict – This sounds a bit like the book, Brothers! It also sounds like much of Paul’s writings. Godly men will have conflict with the lost world, but we also will have conflict with one another. Just as Christ had conflicts with His disciples. We must learn how God settles conflicts and not let out flesh rule this matter.
#4 Covenant – Not more rules, but a willingness to discuss our goals and plans and living up to them, publicly.
#5 Collaboration – No Christ-centered ministry can be run by or be all about any one human. Men must work together, reflecting the love of Christ as we seek to honor Him in our ministry. By our love for one another the world might know God sent Jesus as the Christ!
Chapter
12 – Getting Men to Jesus
This is the main point of life. We must get this right or nothing else matters.
You can’t get a man to Jesus if you don’t know the way yourself. Fuzzy thinking, or erroneous theology can lead a man to choose hell. The Bible, not your salvation experience, is the roadmap for salvation. A proper understanding of the foundational scriptures is key.
The Bible is full of word pictures, parables, allegories, and idioms. Proper comprehension is crucial. Christ taught in parables, set in the local culture of His day, so that people would understand Him. Mr. England gives us 4 images that most men can relate to, each of which must be taught properly:
Roadblocks are:
Cause and effect is critical. See discussion on page 130! Sinful acts are the fruit of the flesh, not the cause of sinful flesh! We don’t correct anyone by focusing on his behavior. Christ must change his identity.
“Any philosophical system will have some moral value and order, but in the final analysis, they can all be summed up by the words of Proverbs 14:12.” On the road of life, the bridge is out. Only Jesus Christ can span the gap from mortality to eternal life. The unfinished road stretches out in front of us because we haven’t arrived yet!
Chapter
13 – Teaching Men to Pray
Dale Schlafer points out that it’s not natural for men to pray. As with many things, such as shaving, we must be taught. Just as you wouldn’t tell your 14 year old simply to shave his peach fuzz, we shouldn’t simply tell men who are babes in Christ simply to pray. They need to know that prayer is work – the flesh rails against such communion with God and we too often drift back to reciting words written by another man rather than having communion with our Creator. Page 138 shows a pattern for prayer that men can be taught.
Any place can be a garden – recall the old hymn. Prayer is more listening than speaking. This is the tough part for me! My brain rarely seems to slow down and quiet down so I can listen to God. Too many thoughts shooting through my mind.
Any time can be a time of prayer. I had a wonderful half hour in prayer last weekend while driving to Dallas. But we must be deliberate about spending time in prayer and not wait for the “right time” to club us over the head – just as in witnessing! Discipline – again that word comes to us in this book.
The BIG IDEA in this chapter is on page 136 and it sets the stage for everything else in the book: “God’s love for us is very personal and intimate.” The Bible has rightly been called God’s love letter to His children. The neat thing is, He didn’t call us as part of a group – that’s Old Testament (Old Covenant) stuff. He calls us individually by name – just as He does the stars in the heaven! Prayer is “basking in the love of the one who loved us and gave Himself for us.”
Prayer is another aspect of surrendering to God. Recognizing that He knows our dirty thoughts and deeds already and we are simply agreeing with Him. A man who has surrendered to overwhelming power knows he is the mercy of the powerful One and the issue is not the man’s will, it’s the will of the One. Here’s where the “name it and claim it” crowd run off the path.
Prayer can be personal or corporate, but never for the purpose of man’s agenda. There is much encouragement in the company of men who will join hands and pray together out loud. Such prayer – personal and corporate – has been the foundation of the revival that we say we want. Will we exercise the spiritual discipline required to cooperate with God in revival or will we simply wish for revival?
Read On Prayer by E.M Bounds
Chapter
14 – Learning to Worship
PK conference, Dallas, Texas, 1996. I was there. Met some men who came from Louisiana to get confronted over their racism, knowing it was sinful. Singing “Holy, Holy, Holy” early Saturday morning with 60,000 other men. Etched on my heart, as well. One of the most powerful events we can experience in this life is corporate worship of our Creator. It is one activity we will continue to enjoy in eternity – with one another. And the group can be as large as what John describes in the Revelation, chapter 5 (ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands), or it could be a few guys in a parking lot. As with faith, it’s the object of our worship that matters. And as with faith, it’s the integrity of the heart that makes it true.
Real men must be willing to accept their position as role models in worship and sing with all our hearts and make a truly joyful noise unto our God! The world has enough men concerned about what other people think about them, it’s dieing to see an authentic man who cares only what his Father God thinks of him. So is the church.
How do we train and encourage men to worship God?
1) Pray for the men of our church. Ask God to speak to their hearts about worshipping Him.
2) Talk about worshipping God at the gatherings – breakfast’s – already taking place. Study Psalms.
3) Teach worship as a way of life, not simply a Sunday morning activity. Driving in a car, doing yard work – great times to worship God!
4) Provide safe (men only) environments for men to worship, to grow accustomed to worship.
5) Use music written for men to sing.
6) Get men who are gifted in music involved.
7) Challenge men who “get it” to reach out to other men.
8) Provide resources to men – some guys can’t afford to buy CDs or haven’t thought about it.
9) Never give up! Our Father doesn’t give up on us, let us not grow weary in reaching men for His glory.
Chapter
15 – Encouraging Vital Relationships
If you want your ministry to men to fail, to fall flat and leaving you and your men wondering what went wrong and being most discouraged – if that’s what you want – focus on programs and forget about relationships. Make men’s ministry a religion unto itself and it will be dead just as religion without a relationship with Christ is dead.
So how do we avoid that all-too-common pitfall? As Christ was intentional in going through Samaria, so we must be intentional in working to get men into relationship with one another. This chapter refers us back to the book, Brothers!, a most excellent review of this surprisingly complex subject. The author lays out three key elements: sharing life’s experiences, praying for one another, & subjecting life to the Word of God.
As each small group meets, the leader must be intentional about encouraging men to progress around the bases. Not on an arbitrary schedule, but with the wisdom from God that relates the need to move with the maturity of the men.
Don’t kill relationship building, easy to do if you fail to learn the 9 dynamics listed on page 153. Rather, focus on the good things you can do, some of which are listed on page 155.
The author admonishes us to stay focused all around the baseline. Head for home with your men. Don’t grow weary or get side tracked. It takes deliberate, intentional leadership to herd sheep around the baseline. Be as patient and persistent as a good sheep dog – realizing we each need our own sheep dog (Steven calls these guys “under shepherds”).
Chapter
16 – Overcoming Prejudice
You’ve heard it said, “If God is your Father, then you and I are brothers.” John revealed that worshippers in heaven are from every tribe, nation, and tongue – a manifold witness of God’s glory. Manifold, in this use, means “many colored” – as Joseph’s coat of many colors. Brothers in Christ with all skin colors, ethic traits, etc.
And you have also heard Sunday morning referred to as “the segregated hour in America.” Brothers, this ought not be so! We must each ask the Holy Spirit to examine our hearts and reveal to us if there be any arrogance or pride or hatred toward people who are not just like us. As I asked a brother several years ago after he claimed to not be racist: Would you rather see the all-American jock white boy who is lost as Ted Bundy but “successful” call on your daughter or a sold out for Jesus disciple who happens to have dark skin? This brother got hot, as he had a beautiful 18 year daughter that he, in truth, could not see with a black man. Where is your heart?
Check out the 12 suggestions for making changes and let the Spirit reveal if there be any of this wickedness in you. At the 1996 PK conference mentioned above, I met 4 white guys from New Orleans who had driven to Dallas for that conference because they knew they would be confronted about their racist attitudes. They knew they had this sin and they determined to let God break them of it. Intentional. Humble. Submissive. The opposite of arrogant racism.
Chapter
17 – Transforming Your Men’s Ministry
A “no-cut” contract takes the performance pressure off a man’s back. We see in movies how a prideful father will declare one of his children “dead” as far as he is concerned. The child has disappointed this pitiful excuse for a dad and he has struck back in the only way he knows how. By cutting the failure out of the family, the father “protects” his self-image as a man without fault. This must be a terrible life – for the father as well as for the child.
Men desperately desire a safe place, where they are accepted without the fear of disappointing someone. Like a child is accepted in a godly family. Many men believe that such a place is only imaginary, but that’s the very image Christ paints that we might grasp His love and acceptance of us! We each know men, who, as the lame man in Mark 2, need someone to pick them up and take them to Jesus. Are you a man who will see such a need and act?
We must not bring men into the brotherhood of Christ and then saddle them down with rules. Men love rules, but rules break a man – Christ fulfilled all the rules and gave us rest. I met a man on the plane to Tokyo who told me that he was raised in a “religious family” but did not consider himself a “religious man”. Religion, as most know it, is all about rule-based living. I talked with this Dutchman about the freedom in Christ, set against the weight of religion. It was clear this man, raised in a religious home, didn’t know the foundational Truth of life.
Living according to the rules wears a man out. Tithing does not bring peace, Christ does. Let’s not teach men to follow rules – let’s teach them about Jesus Christ. Check out the charts on pages 170, 171, & 172 to see how conforming to rules contrasts to the transforming liberty of life in Christ. When men are taught to follow rules, they hide secrets – because they all fail to keep the rules and can’t tolerate the disapproval of others. Men who love one another as Christ prayed we would stand together and face failure knowing their identity is in Christ, not their ability to keep the law. “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden (those who are trying to live by the rules), and I will give you rest.” The words of Christ from Matthew 11:28 (with emphasis by Brogden).
Chapter
18 – Becoming A Spiritual Parent
The great commission presumes that those commissioned (all Christians) are growing mature in our own faith – because that must happen before we can make disciples of others. So if you and I want to nurture a new believer, we must seek maturity for ourselves first. Parents are able to teach their kids about life because they lived more of it and have read and learned more about it. Some parents leaned on Dr. Spock, others leaned on Dr. Dobson, many failed to see their choice as that of truth or lies. False teaching in the church runs rampant today, as it has throughout history. Without a growing knowledge of the Truth, we will not be equipped to teach others.
Teaching takes place in the context of relationships – surprise! So this is simply one more core area that demonstrates that our mission – to make disciples – must take place in this common context. Relationship is the tool, not the aim. Relationships last into eternity, providing even more motive to focus on relationship rather than programs – all of which will be consumed in the fire of judgment.
Soldiers know that men will follow someone who has walked where they are asked to go, knows the enemy, understands the battlefield and how to survive. This is where the testimony of how God has led you and me through the trials encourages others. Pride must fall in order for discipleship to take place. Every good thing must die so that the best thing might live. Study the four pitfalls on pages 179 – 181 and apply them to your life as disciple maker and as a parent – simply a specialized disciple maker. And as with parents and children, let us keep the long view in mind and not get discouraged or distracted by today’s failure. Our heavenly Father does not disown us when we screw up – that’s the model we must keep in mind.
Chapter
19 – Working with Men Who Fail
The Bible is full of examples of God working His divine will through the lives of broken, failed men. His methods and His people haven’t changed. As demonstrated by Moses, living without regard to God is sin. At his natural core, man is prideful and doesn’t want to need anyone – even God. Yet at his natural core, man is incapable of living in isolation – how do prisons break hardened criminals? Solitary confinement. Yes, God created us to need the very thing we loathe to cry out for. Only when a man is broken spiritually will he see his need for God, even though it’s been there the whole time.
The men we see in our church are grappling with this notion. Some of them are having what we call a mid-life crisis. This is often the beginning of the work God is doing to bring this man to the end of himself, so he might realize his need of Jesus. Often, these times are highlighted by such trials as unemployment, unanswered prayers, and loneliness. God reminds us that the trials we have gone through are to equip us to comfort these who come behind us.
So many spiritual trials feel like temporal failure – we tend to equate spiritual blessing with worldly success – so it’s easy to see how a man would feel like a failure when all that’s going on is that God is working on his character. The Potter will keep tearing down and building up the clay until it takes a shape that pleases Him. Only then will He put the cup or pot into His service. Let us be mindful to stay still in the hands of the Potter and encourage others to recognize His hand in the trails of their lives.
Chapter
20 – Men of all Colors
We may think that our church does not have a problem with “people of color”. After all, we have several black members and black couples, as well as a sprinkling of Asian and Hispanic folk. Now it’s certainly true that cultural norms play a huge role all social activities, including church. But let’s be sure it’s simply a matter of style and not substance that keeps our church from being more diverse.
The sub-title of this chapter is, “Unity in Diversity”. Here’s a point that came to my mind a few weeks ago, as I was listening to some drivel about “diversity” on the radio. Lost folk who rail on about diversity pursue it as the goal itself. In college admissions, federal grants, etc. the goal is to have a “properly diverse” group. But diversity as a goal is empty. There must be thing we call “unity”, or else diversity is simply a diversion. To make strong concrete, you need sand, gravel, cement, steel re-bar, and water. A divers group of materials, to be sure. But unless they are brought together in the right proportion and in the right environment, you won’t get strong, useable concrete. You’ll get lumps of wet sand, rusted steel, and brittle clumps of cement blobs. But the right “unity” for these diverse materials brings success – and when good concrete cures, it generates heat.
So too, we must know the Father’s plan, knowing He desires unity in His people. We must deliberately reach out to people unlike us, and we must expect to generate some heat from within the body of Christ as we make progress.
Do not lose site of the “manifold witness” revealed to us in Revelation – we will not lose our differences in heaven, our differences will show the perfect love of God.
The mission is not to change those who are different in skin tone and culture. The mission to bring these people from different spectrums in the “skin kaleidoscope” into the kingdom, display the “manifold witness” to a lost world, and let the world know we are God’s kids.
Chapter
21 – From Success to Significance
Men tend to get distracted into chasing superficial “success” as defined by the enemy. But we are saved from hell and its eternal torment by the blood of the Lamb are called to a plan that delivers true success as defined by the Creator. You can I are called to mentor and disciple others so they will go and do likewise.
The way this chapter’s author got reached by Christ should cause each of us to rejoice that He can use ordinary people like you and me – and our wives. My wife is a consistent tool for God in my life. Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, “How Do I Love Her?” is my prayer these days, for I believe I am not paying enough attention to this most important relationship.
But each relationship we have is important and the spiritual disciplines we develop will prepare us to be used by God in these relationship. If we “wait for the right time”, life will slip by and we will miss the battle. Relationships with others in our business world tend to focus on the world’s perspective of success and feelings of inadequacy and false hope that view brings. Our training will focus us and our relationships on true success – knowing Jesus and living to please Him.
The BIG IDEA! For me in this chapter is on page 206: God doesn’t judge us at the end of our lives, but at the end of time. Because a man is judged not simply by what he does but by whom he influences. One of the most important lessons I learned as an adult was at the 1997 Houston PK conference. The message was this: the legacy you leave will be the legacy you live. Start living your legacy for Christ today! And you will influence others to follow Him as well.
Chapter
22– Training Men for Significance
Training enables a man to do the right thing without having to think about it at the critical moment. Effective training takes determination and time. “Jesus trained for thirty years to prepare for three years of ministry.” When He faced His greatest trial, He followed His training – He sought the Father rather than Himself. As Christ emptied Himself to satisfy the demands of heaven, so we must empty ourselves of the cravings for the dust of this world. We have the benefit of countless lives given up to preserve the Holy Scriptures – God’s instruction for a holy life.
Without spending time with the Bible and its Author, no man can turn from the lust of the flesh and live a life pleasing to Him. No words of men can provide the sure guidance we each need. Our primary source of direction and training must be the Bible. Scores of false teachers with near-scripture doctrines lead thousands to hell every day.
Our minds must be conditioned to see the world through the lens of scripture, so that we might be trained to act and react according to God’s Word rather than our selfish flesh.
Significance comes from leaving a godly legacy, which happens by daily living a godly legacy. The desires of the flesh must die and we must deliberately choose this day to obey God. By so doing we can influence others to glorify our Father by their lives. Lives of significance in the most significant meaning of the word. Is that your desire?
Chapter
23 – Becoming Irresistible Husbands
The old joke is that an old married couple is being interviewed about their relationship. The man was asked how often he told his wife that he loved her. He replies, “I told her I loved her when I married her. And I told her I would let her know if I ever changed my mind.” Funny – because there is a ring of truth to it. But the truth is that we must not only tell our wives we love them, our lives must demonstrate that we love them.
Ed Cole makes the point that a man who lusts after another women has made an idol out of his feelings. This is the BIG IDEA in this chapter – disobedience to God’s Word is idolatry. In choosing to disobey Him, we have put our choice above Him and made the choice, and what it represents, an idol that we worship. This is what was going on at the first century church of Corinth – a hot bed of immorality with no consequences for church members who lived openly in sin.
As the story of Charles points out, even “secret sin” affects our relationships with those we love – including the Lord Jesus. When I was deep into pornography, my heart would get hard and I could tell that I was getting harsh with my wife and kids. This sometimes was what God used to bring me to repentance.
To be irresistible to our wives, we must repent of that sin which comes between our wives and us. We must focus on praising our wives in public – not making cruel jokes at their expense nor criticizing them for habits we dislike. God doesn’t judge us on our performance – we are to love our wives in the same fashion and love them for who they are in Christ, not how often they do what we want them to do.
Chapter
24 – Fathers and Sons
Lots of men are flat out clueless about what their role is as men. People who moan that they don’t know God’s will for them haven’t dusted off their Bible in months and haven’t sought the Lord for anything more than mercy from the traffic cop. Farrar tells us one aspect of our job is to save our sons. Even so-called secular journalists have recognized the devastation caused in society when fathers abandon their responsibility of training boys to be men.
“More is caught than is taught.” An old, true saying. Again – the legacy you leave with be the legacy you live, day by day. Check out Farrar’s five rules for himself to follow in saving his boys. The first rule is a reminder of an earlier chapter – a man’s first and most important priority is to know and love Jesus Christ. Then the Spirit of the living God will work out Godly character in our lives and we will love our wives and children properly.
The lesson about distance is straight from scripture. To get close to us, Jesus took on the form of a bondservant and emptied Himself and walked among His creation. As fathers, we must take deliberate steps to get close to our kids. And physical closeness alone will not get the job done. Dads who get home for dinner and have no time for conversation or games with their kids breed resentment, not godly character.
No one of us can save the world, but each of us can change the world. And when the end of time comes, then we who are in Christ will be judged, as those who have been impacted by our lives are made known to us. Your legacy will be revealed in that day – are you living a godly life this day?
Chapter
25 – Life-Changing Short-Term Missions
This is a difficult concept to grasp – for me, at least. Money sent to a mission field will do more short-term good than money spent sending a rich American to the mission field. But the long-term impact in the kingdom of God of the rich American going on the short-term mission is likely to be more significant.
Too many of us live in blissful ignorance of how desperate most of the world is. Desperate for the basics of life on this planet as well as for the knowledge of Christ. By seeing this situation first-hand, a rich American may end up sending more money to the mission field than ever would have been sent if his heart hadn’t been broken by the plight of God’s image bearers in these distant lands.
As with all other big plans, we must train ourselves to not relegate God to the co-pilot’s seat. Seek Him first in all things – even kingdom building. When you follow His lead into a mission field, the most meaningful work done may just be what He does in your heart.
Chapter
26 – Successful Men’s Retreats
“The most important factor in planning a successful retreat is the leadership team.” We must seek out men who have skills and gifts in planning, promoting, recruiting, organizing, and implementing. There is hard, dull work that takes months to complete that must precede every successful event. This chapter fills out the “tool box” image this book presents by laying out seven foundational elements for successful events:
Critical self-examination is most beneficial after each event. Ask the men who participated what they liked, how it could be better, would they like to help, etc. Examine the costs vs. the budget and learn. Study the impact over time – are guys talking about the event weeks or months afterward? Are the small groups that started still meeting? Is someone in leadership reaching out to them?
If our aim is to impact men for Christ, we must be stern critics of our own labor and always strive to do better. The call on our lives is to make disciples. Open, honest discussion of our efforts is essential. Pride (self idolatry) is all that stands in our way.
Conclusion
– Doing Together What We Can’t Do Apart
Our aim is not only to make disciples of men, but also to strengthen families by winning husbands and fathers to Christ. Within churches today, men wander in and about in safe anonymity, because nobody reaches out to them. Alone, each of us can a little. Together, we can reach every man in our church. Seek God’s leading – what is He saying to you?
As one man, you can pray for the men in your church – including your pastor. Each of us has a personal circle of influence. Are you purposefully reaching those people for Christ?
As a man in a group, you will be a great encouragement to other men who want to make a difference. God tells us a man alone is to be pitied, but a man who has one or two friends has security. We can pick one another up, and do far more for God’s kingdom as a team. Christ’s most fervent prayer apart from the garden was for His followers to demonstrate unity to the world. It’s essential if the lost folk are to know He is the Lamb of God – Who takes away their sin.
Are you willing to obey His call? He is calling you and me to walk in obedience. He promises to go before and beside us, equipping us for every good work He gives us, and working through us to bring Himself glory. The only downside is human fear of embarrassment. The upside is limitless, because He has no limits.
In His grip – praying you are as well.